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Posts published in “Politics”

To Avoid Offending the Factually Sensitive, Amazon Introduces Alexa Series Featuring “Customizable Truth”

After thousands of disgruntled customers rightfully pointed out that moral truth is more important that empirical facts, Amazon is finally addressing those concerns in their…

“Totally Reliable” News Source Claims Trump Wants to Utilize Giant Catapults to Prevent Tsunamis

Trusted investigative journalists have uncovered irrefutable evidence that President Donald Trump is planning to use giant catapults, or trebuchets, to thwart potential tsunamis. Reporters from…

Independent, Self-Thinking 99% of Musical Artists Pat Each Other on Backs for Signing Abortion Petition

In yet another move sure to get them blacklisted from the rabidly pro-life entertainment industry, courageous musicians have joined in signing a mission statement defening…

Citing Evangelicals’ Apparent Willingness to Compromise All Biblical Standards When Voting, Democrats Confidently Woo Them for 2020

In their first joint interview since a rumored unpleasant hair-pulling incident on Real Housewives of D.C., Chuck Schumer and Bernie Sanders sat down with our…

Due to Scheduled Hair-Washing, Devastated Rashida Tlaib STILL Unable to Visit “Beloved” Grandmother

After Israel surprised Rashida Tlaib by granting her “desperate, totally sincere” request to enter the area long enough to see her ailing grandmother, Tlaib’s desired…

Social Media Sleuths Conclude That Colonel Mustard Killed Jeffrey Epstein in the Prison Ballroom

After every possible witness at the Metropolitan Correctional Center inexplicably died before they could be questioned, the FBI initially despaired of ever solving the mystery…

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