After decades in the trenches waging war against supersized sodas and even-more-supersized gun magazines (or “multi shell clip casings,” as they are often called), a weary Mike Bloomberg has given up his laborious profession in favor of a “job” as a carefree farmer.
“I did months of market research and finally decided that it was the most idiot-proof way to make a living,” Bloomberg explained to a room of oddly annoyed-looking 4-H conference attendees. “Not much gray matter required to live off the land at the mercy of mercurial weather patterns, insect infestations, and livestock disease epidemics. It’s not like trying to assemble a committee of hundreds of contractors to fill in a single pothole.”
Bloomberg continued to explain to the simple country folk how easy they had it, ending with a few words of advice for the obviously appreciative crowd.
“Just keep in mind that with grocery stores popping up all over and making food, there won’t be much need for you to grow crops or raise animals anymore,” Bloomberg cautioned. “So you have it good right now, but someday you might have to get real, important jobs. Like maybe a mayor in charge of a committee that decides how to fill in potholes or something.”
Comments are closed.