Following an argument with Attorney General William Barr about his excessive Twitter use, President Donald Trump has reportedly run away from home and vowed not to return “unless you stop ruining my life.”
The disagreement began after Trump complained on Twitter about the excessive sentencing in the trial of Roger Stone, after which Barr reportedly admonished him to “just for once in your stupid life, for the love of all that is holy, please shut up.” Trump evidently took offense to the criticism and stormed away from the dinner table without even finishing his dessert, after which he evidently wrote a note saying he was leaving and climbed out his bedroom window.
“We just want you home, buddy,” pleaded Barr in a press conference to address the incident. “Wherever you are, just know we’re not mad, and you can have your phone back if you just come home.”
As of press time, Trump had not returned to the White House, but there were several sightings of him at a local McDonald’s, and sources say he is presumed to be safe.
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