When Joe Biden spoke at the ribbon-cutting for a refurbished amusement park now bearing his name, he took the opportunity to regale the audience with tales from his tenure as a ride attendant at the facility. And surely the most mesmerizing story was of his battle with the notorious Cap’n Crunch while Biden operated the dangerous Pirates of the Caribbean boats.
Spectators listened in stunned silence as Biden described his confrontation with a short, elderly sailor wearing a menacing captain’s hat and coat who evidently lived in the bowels of the ride’s dark tunnel. As Biden explained, the shadowy figure only moved when the ride began and would eerily cease whenever it stopped.
“I suppose he just liked to play with my mind,” Biden recounted pensively.
Apparently, the intimidating cap’n played one too many times with the youthful and virile Biden, and the future president finally snapped.
“I told him to come down out of the tunnel and square off with me like a man,” Biden growled, his mind clearly transporting him back to the singular event. “I told him it was either him or me, and there wasn’t enough room for both of us in that tunnel.”
As Biden tells it, a terrific brawl ensued, in which both men were injured, but Biden eventually emerged victorious.
“I knocked him into the water, and he never came back up again. Never had any problem with him after that.
“That’s how I got this hook for a hand and this old peg leg,” Biden finished, tapping what actually seemed to be a perfectly normal human leg with his seemingly normal human hand. “It was the scariest thing that ever happened to me outside of that time I had to fight Darth Vader with just my light saber.
“Did I ever tell you guys that story?”
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