According to CNN’s poll of their own staff members, whose employment coincidentally hinges on the results, their ratings have been skyrocketing for the past several months. In fact, their lead over their competitors has supposedly grown so large that other news stations such as Fox are asking that the “mercy rule,” frequently used in sports, be applied here. Surely, they believe, CNN should back off and give somebody else a chance.
Unfortunately for their hopeful challengers, it seems CNN intends to do nothing of the sort. In a move virtually guaranteed to successfully woo all news viewers, they plan to hold a climate change town hall that will allow ten presidential hopefuls, chosen apparently by a method of “anybody who isn’t Tulsi Gabbard,” to explain their plans to literally save the world.
Sadly, CNN has only allotted each candidate 40 minutes, and the whole performance will only last 7 hours. Perhaps CNN decided to show a little compassion to their competitors after all, by at least limiting the time of what promises to be the news juggernaut of the century.
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