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To “Eliminate Segregation,” de Blasio Panel Removes Free School Lunch Programs

Merely 65 years after the Supreme Court ordered the official desegregation of schools, a panel appointed by Mayor Bill de Blasio has a bold plan to “totally for real this time” integrate New York City’s schools. 

Speaking on behalf of his loyal subjects, the mayor says, “We have always been on the cutting edge of forced diversity at any cost, and even if it requires taking the opportunity to eat from some of our students, we are determined to accomplish integration. Some ethnic groups are underrepresented in our schools offering free lunch programs, and the obvious solution to the resulting segregation is to abolish the beneficial programs themselves.”

This well-conceived plan offers the added benefit of closing the “hunger gap.” As one frequent voter proclaims, “If everybody can’t be fed, nobody should be.” Due to what obvious bigots disingenuously call “misuse of funds,” the schools cannot afford to pay for free lunch for everyone, so in the interest of equality, nobody will be given food.

Already the 14th runner-up as the Democtratic candidate for POTUS, this latest move seems a brilliant way to ensure that he will climb even higher in the polls. It seems apparent that a man who runs one city so wisely would prove an excellent candidate for a bigger position. 

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