An intended pleasant surprise has unearthed scandal in a previously respected women’s Bible study group.
A prominent church in a once-peaceful Iowa town (name withheld to protect the ashamed) is reeling after the discovery of improper conduct among several of its female members. According to an admission by the “devastated” pastor, who asked that his name not be publicized, a group of women from his flock have been secretly using church facilities for high-stakes Bunco. Touted as an extracurricular study class for ladies, “Thursday Nights With Jan” has been outed as nothing more than a cover for yet another incident of debauchery in a Christian church.
Several men of the congregation made the shocking discovery when they stopped by the church on Thursday to bring their wives an early Valentine’s Day surprise. Recounts church member Bill Jessop, “We came to bring the ladies those geraniums they like to get every year. Our men’s golf extravaganza happened to fall on Valentine’s Day this year, and we knew the gals wouldn’t want to miss out on the geranium tradition. So, we men took the trouble to bring them the flowers on our way to our dinner at the steakhouse across the street.
“I never could have imagined what we’d find,” he laments softly.
Continues James Bell, another stunned husband, “We came into the multipurpose room to see wads of dollar bills all over the tables and Rhonda Jenkins playing some sort of secular music on the organ. I felt how Moses must have felt, coming off the holy mountain to find the Israelites doing practically the same thing.”
Asked if he had ever suspected any such behavior from his wife, Jessop admits that he has indeed noted a few changes in her demeanor recently. “I noticed my wife began spending longer and longer hours at Bible study, and she was coming home just sort of… exhilarated almost. Everybody knows Jan’s lessons on the Old Testament tend to be real proper and plain, so it just didn’t seem right that Bertie was coming home from her class looking so excited. I thought maybe she was just was just using drugs or something. I never could have expected this.”
As of press time, none of the ladies has consented to an interview. One can only assume that the group has been permanently disbanded.
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