Due to the increasing number of Russian agents trying to destroy Hillary Clinton’s career, she has found it necessary to wear protective headgear to prevent insidious thought transmissions from rivals. And after a lively bidding war among high-end designers, Clinton has chosen her perennial favorite Armani to produce the haute couture caps.
Armani has long been revered for its protective gear, which has been proven to separate susceptible victims from dangerous forces, such as their excessive money. Even more importantly, Armani is not a Russian brand and is therefore less likely to transmit grooming propaganda through their $6,000 caps.
Asked about what some normal humans would consider the absurd price tag of these new accessories, Clinton quickly put the commoner in his place.
“A simple homemade tinfoil hat–or worse, one purchased at a bourgeoisie establishment such as Forever 21–would clash with my $10,000 Armani coats,” Clinton snapped. “I would hope that by this point in time, we would all understand that politicians aren’t like you peasants. We don’t buy our tinfoil hats at the Gap like you people do.”
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