Burning MAGA hat emissions push climate past “point of no return”

After decades of well-founded alarm about global warming (interspersed with a few warnings of an imminent ice age), climate experts admitted last week that all is lost, and we have gone past the tipping point. Any future efforts to save the planet are now futile, and the final crisis is inevitable.

And to nobody’s surprise, the culprit is none other than Donald Trump.

President Trump, who recklessly endorsed the manufacturing of campaign apparel (including hats) to promote his crusade, seemingly failed to take into consideration the likely outcome of such a heedless move. Although it is widely known that his greatest detractors are unemployed violent thugs living in their parents’ basements–and therefore short on neither time nor money–Trump foolishly put his stamp of approval on a product that haters were obviously bound to spend that time and money turning into bonfires.

Although Trump’s defenders have pointed out that all candidates have similarly approved such campaign memorabilia, experts have reminded them that Trump’s antagonizers are the only ones afflicted with the Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS) that makes their destructive behavior not only excusable, but inevitable.