Last updated on July 22, 2023
As safe spaces quickly reached maximum capacity at Twitter headquarters today, employees openly panicked at the growing threat of evil billionaire Elon Musk taking over their company.
“It’s simply too much power for a billionaire to have,” bemoaned one worker. “The wealthy cannot be permitted to own and control a platform for speech.”
Fortunately, trusted organizations such as Vanguard and BlackRock quickly stepped in to purchase more power for themselves, immediately easing tensions and putting Twitter safely back in different billionaire hands. The safe spaces emptied out quickly, and workers quickly got back to removing information detrimental to democracy, including most of the accurate and interesting stories from the past two years.
“We managed to save democracy this time,” breathed the worker interviewed earlier. “But it’s only a matter of time before someone even wealthier than a billionaire tries this, and they might win.
“What numbers come after the billions, anyway?” she wondered aloud. “I want to know what kind of ‘aires’ to watch out for next.”
