Mitt Romney has broken the oath that all politicians allegedly pledge to follow before they are allowed into government office, and insiders say that other officials are understandably livid.
Prior to entering any position higher than county janitor, as well as before being allowed into Bohemian Grove, all political hopefuls pledge to stay in office until the power is pulled from their cold, fishy, dead fingers. Although the exact wording remains veiled in secrecy, the gist is reportedly as follows:
“I will not retire from my government position before the last I.Q. point has tumbled out of my nostrils, rendering me a drooling imbecile and a perfect patsy for the next guy.”
Romney announced his retirement today with so many clearly enunciated multi-syllable words that his colleagues realized immediately he had betrayed his Oathus Ignoramus.
And in a move that could only have been designed to hurt his former friends, he sang the entirety of Gilbert and Sullivan’s “I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General” in 3.9 words per second instead of the traditional 3.8.
He followed this by performing a perfect triple salchow on the frozen pond outside the Capitol.
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