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Trump challenges Biden to geriatric cage match for presidency

As the promised MMA fight between Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg seems increasingly unlikely to materialize, former president Donald Trump has offered to fill the cheap entertainment void by running again for his previous office.

Although this move alone will likely provide enough viewing pleasure to fill both the election period and the inevitable years of bilateral whinging after it, Trump has generously promised to make the battle even more lurid by adding a physical element: a World Wrestling “Entertainment” (WW”E”) Hell in the Cell cage match, with the winner taking the Oval Office.

Yes, “whinging” is a word. Look it up if you’ve never been to the UK.

Trump has requested only that the match be televised on a pay-per-view channel, with the proceeds going toward his self-tanner budget.

Biden has reportedly expressed interest in the idea, although an anonymous source present at the time said that she wasn’t sure Biden understood the nature of the agreement, given that the meeting was repeatedly interrupted when Biden kept taking calls from some angry guys in Ukraine.

The source did note that Biden appeared to grasp that some sort of fight was involved, as he kept yelling about how he’d beaten up some dude named Frosted Flake as a lifeguard years ago. 

PC: John Jewel 

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