Former president Donald Trump has announced a line of collector’s items related to his arrest in Atlanta, Georgia last Thursday.
After the success of his mugshot memorabilia, he has promised that the next item in the designer line will be handmade knives, or “shanks,” that he will craft himself out of common items from the Fulton County Jail.
The jail is famous for both violence and creativity among its inmates, which have combined over the years to generate some of the finest unconventional weapons known to hardened murderers.
Trump has reportedly been consulting with these serial killers for tips on finer shank design, in order to prepare for an immediate start to his business when the jury finds him guilty.
He is planning to spend several decades in prison for various crimes such as repeatedly arguing about election results, which is strictly prohibited when the wrong person does it, because “this is totally different.” (No word yet on if he will write a book about “what happened” and how the Russians altered the election.) However, he knows the violent criminals with the best shank-making skills will be released quickly, so he is evidently eager to get their input before they leave.
Trump did manage to avoid indictment for his crime of spouting stupid crap while being an insufferable jerkface idiot for his entire life. Nor was he charged for his habit of repeatedly ignoring the Constitution and basic human rights.
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