After losing much of the over $100 billion in aid he received from the United States in a minor mathematical accident, Ukrainian t-shirt model Volodymyr Zelensky has promised to conduct an immediate audit of his books.
In order to hire the best minds in the accounting industry to find his lost aid, Zelensky will obviously need additional aid.
Fortunately, his adoring parents in the U.S. government have agreed to give him anything he needs to “get back on his feet” (which this reporter could not help notice were clad in $2 million Gucci loafers). He was immediately given enough to fund a vague and partial retraction to a CBS article that had accurately pointed out that he was maybe a bit of a corrupt kleptomaniac.
Zelensky expressed his appreciation by requesting an additional few million bucks to buy the U.S. a really nice fruit basket.
A few U.S. citizens who were displaced by hurricanes and fires in their own country objected to their tax dollars being spent on another foreign war, but they were shouted down by hecklers accusing them of being “Putin’s puppets.”
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