As more reports of police misconduct have come to light, investigative journalists at MSNBC have unearthed possibly the worst offender to feature in the ongoing debacle. A canine officer with the controversial Paw Patrol apparently has a shocking history of lewd behavior that his Nickelodeon enablers have successfully buried.
Until now.
A deceptively adorable doggie officer, known only as Chase, has been delighting children for the past seven years with his seemingly heroic acts. But as an anonymous MSNBC source discovered, he is anything but a good boi when the cameras stop rolling.
Official complaints dating back to before his tenure with the department show a chilling fetish for lewd behavior, beginning with a shocking propensity for public nudity and escalating from there.
“It began when he stripped down to nothing but his hat, vest, and badge,” an anonymous citizen complained. “And Nickelodeon wouldn’t do anything to stop him. It’s like he gets a pass for being male. You know how the ‘good ol’ boys club’ works. It was obviously sexist. Even when his behavior escalated to publicly urinating on city property–mostly fire hydrants–everyone just laughed and said how cute he was.”
Another source claims he was on his routine morning walk when Chase abruptly stopped him and began performing lewd acts on his leg, then shockingly licked his face in what appeared to be a bizarre fetishist act.
“I felt so dirty,” the man said angrily. “I was already stunned by the leg attack, but when he began licking me? I had just seen him licking unmentionable body parts on himself minutes before.”
Nickelodeon did not respond to our request for comments on the accusations, but it seems safe to say that Chase’s future with the kid-friendly network is in jeopardy.
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