In what is clearly a transparent investigation to explain a “completely accidental, super surprising” vote counting error, the totally competent Democratic caucus leadership in Iowa has determined that a broken abacus led to the snafu.
Laughing off conspiracy theories about a rigged voter app and backroom Democratic National Committee deals, sources involved with the caucus assured Democratic voters and candidates, especially Bernie Sanders, that the final results will reflect the voters’ choice of candidate and not that of the committee.
“We are committed to fairness and accuracy at all levels of our national organization,” assured a source, who begged that for the love of all that is decent and holy we not use his real name again after the backlash he received over the past several election debacles. “Suggestions that this was deliberate are highly exaggerated, as are suggestions that it was a result of mismanagement of donation funds that prevented us from purchasing calculators, or at least fixing our abacuses.”
“We are committed to fairness and accuracy at all levels of our national organization,” continued the source. “Did I say that already?”
Comments are closed.