Booker attempts to give exit statement in Spanish; accidentally declares war on Canada

In a humorous faux pas, Senator Cory Booker’s latest attempt to pander to Spanish-speaking voters nearly resulted in an international incident between the U.S. and Canada.

Booker, who continues to use Spanish despite the fact that he does not know the meaning of any of the words, announced that he would be ending his presidential bid this morning. The English version of his speech went fairly smoothly, but he once again distressed his press representatives when he then endeavored to make the statement in Spanish.

Translators debated the exact interpretation of his speech, but they all agreed that he had cheerfully promised to destroy his neighbors to the north, after which he seemed to be trying to say something about cheese.

Booker tried immediately to respond (in Spanish) to our request for comment, but his clearly anguished press secretary inexplicably put his hand over Booker’s mouth and wrestled him to the ground, after which he explained that “Mr. Booker will not be making any more statements.”