In her most shocking (and certainly accurate) revelation yet this morning, Hillary Clinton has disclosed that nearly every American is being groomed by Russia to derail her career.
And yes, that most likely includes you.
After naming every presidential candidate from the Democrat, Republican, and Pastafarian Parties as a confirmed plant, Clinton wisely chose to save time by simply listing the people who were not Russian agents. She has graciously published the list to aid in the apprehension of the infiltrators, as well as to inform those who are unaware of their spy status that they are secretly Russian moles.
Clinton cautions that this list is subject to change, and some of the people may have been recruited by Russians as of print time.
Update: As of her most recent announcement, Clinton has made clear that nobody but herself is on the list, and she would appreciate your cooperation in promptly turning yourself in to be convicted at her earliest convenience.
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