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Trump and Putin secretly agree to couple’s therapy with Dr. Phil

After speculation erupted about a whistleblower’s charge against Donald Trump, the president finally took to Twitter to set the record straight, admitting, “It is true that I made a clandestine promise to a foreign leader.” 

However, the president clarified that the agreement was merely an innocuous attempt to smooth over strained foreign relations. “Sometimes world leaders who are constantly trying to destroy each other go through rough patches, and unfortunately, Vlad (Vladimir Putin) and I found that our relationship was no different. We’d been bickering about stupid things, mostly nuclear things and him bombing us, things like that. Things got bad. Very, very bad.” 

Trump went on to explain that famed television entertainer Dr. Phil had suggested that talk therapy might be the best course of action. “After I saw how Phil helped that ‘cash me outside’ girl and her mom, I made the decision to take the deal. It was a great deal. The best. Believe me. My relationship with Putin has never been better.”

Asked if he might consider engaging in similar mediated dialogue with Nancy Pelosi or other political foes in the U.S., Trump just shook his head. “Some relationships are just doomed. Totally doomed. I just can’t even talk to those crazy people.”

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