Confirming widespread rumors, Robert Francis “Beto” O’Rourke finally confessed that his threat to confiscate AR-15 rifles was part of an elaborate promotional agreement between himself and the manufacturers.
“It was a brilliant idea,” O’Rourke chuckled, endorsement money spilling out of his pockets. “Want to start a rush for the gun stores? Tell citizens that their government and law enforcement agencies are full of Nazi fascists, then threaten to take away a citizen’s best defense against them.”
He continued in amusement, “It seemed almost a little too obvious to me, but apparently, people bought it. And they bought lots of guns while they were at it.”
Asked how long he had been involved with the marketing campaign, O’Rourke admitted, “I knew my political career was over after the hit-and-run drunk driving arrest came to light, because nobody but a Kennedy could get away with something like that. So I guess around the time that came out, I decided to shift gears and get into advertising.”
Contemplating future endeavors, he said, “I’d like to maybe threaten to take away some of the other Constitutional rights, see how that goes. Maybe tell people we’re going to quarter soldiers in their homes, or engage in some random searches and seizures. I think I might be able to get endorsement deals with home security companies that way.”
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