In his ongoing efforts to improve schools, New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio has asked local Mafia members to help PTA leadership motivate parents to volunteer for the organization. Explaining that some schools don’t have the high member numbers that others do, he says that “we may need to hurt some people to make sure the numbers are equal.”
Our reporters are interviewing parents and Mafia members together, and it seems parental responses to de Blasio’s equality brigade have varied from mere happiness to unrestrained glee. “I support any effort that they use,” says one satisfied citizen, blinking rapidly in what almost appears to be some sort of code.
Asked what helpful tactics the “family” might employ, de Blasio notes that they usually just make offers of safety for compliant parents and apply gentle pressure when the initial attempts fail. “They’ll usually just leave a horse head or two in their bed,” he chuckles. “Works every time.”
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